I was checking my inbox, when I found an e-mail announcing a workshop called “What Happened to the T in LGBT”, it didn’t mean much to me, of course I was going to attend since it’s one of Meem activities and a foreign person was being hosted. It was only a couple of days ago when we were having a discussion about transgender and queer people, and how Meem should work more on including their issues. I remember getting lost in that conversation, my ideas concerning gender and queer theory were blur and I couldn’t relate to any of these issues, I knew that if I were to think about it, it will confuse me even more.
And then it was Friday, the day I met Sinan, the feminist trans-guy who was here for the workshop I read about.
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Posted: August 7th, 2008 under Meem Stuff, Activism, Identity, Politics, Transphobia, Community.
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Posted: July 31st, 2008 under Ramblings and Thoughts.
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Je marche sur cette plage dans cette nuit d’été, toute seule mes pieds flirtant avec l’eau si sereine… je berce mon corps sur le sable chaud et m’en vais dans le temps d’autrefois… le temps où nous étions toutes les deux ensemble heureuses. Je ferme mes yeux tout doucement et je dessine nos pas d’autrefois, j’imite notre danse à deux… un, deux, trois, et un, deux, trois… je suis très contente d’être à nouveau sur cette plage avec ton souvenir. Autrefois j’étais très contente aussi sur cette plage avec toi…je te serre fort contre mon cœur et  je respire le parfum de tes cheveux jusqu’à m’en couper le souffle… je sens ton souffle contre ma nuque… j’en ai la chair de poule tellement je t’aime, tellement j’aime ton corps et ses courbes, tellement j’adore ton sourire, tellement j’adore tes larmes…Et je continue notre danse, sur cette plage ou je t’ai aimé pour la dernière fois… tu me manque tellement, ça me fait du mal au cœur…Et un, deux, trois, et un, deux, trois… et tu m’enlace si fort, mes pieds dansant maintenant sur la brise de la nuit…Mes yeux sont toujours fermés… c’est incroyable à quel point je peux me rappeler de ton parfum vanille, le goût de tes lèvres sucrés, ta peau si douce, si belle, et ton sourire qui me met en esclavage…Et puis je reviens au moment présent… je suis seule… tu es partie… mon cœur te pleure amèrement… mais mes yeux sont secs… ils n’en peuvent plus…Je suis seule avec notre plage, notre mer, notre lune et notre nuit… Est-ce que tu peux sentir la mer… ce parfum si familier…là où tu es je suis sûre que tu sais que je t’aimerai jusqu’à la fin des temps, là où tu es je suis sûre que tu nous imagine dansant ensemble, imitant nos pas de cette nuit… là où tu es je suis sûre que tu m’aime toujours… là où tu es… je te retrouverai un de ces jours…

Jusqu’à ce moment, ce souvenir si doux amer restera avec moi…

~Kim64~

Posted: July 22nd, 2008 under Poetry, Women, Love, French- Français, Arts.
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Ce que j’aimerais te murmurer que chaque fois que je pense a toi, mon cœur s’arrête de battre tout carément! Ce que j’aimerais te dire que chaque fois que je pense a toi, j’ai le souffle tout court! Ce que j’aimerais te confier que le seul fait de regarder dans tes yeux, m’emporte loin… très loin…

Cependant je te neglige, je t’esquive. Je pretends que je n’te kiffe même pas. Que tout simplement je suis très froide envers toi. Et que d’autres, y’en a assez pour me plaire.

 Et ce dont tu ne te rends même pas compte sont les sentiments de rage qui m’envahissent chaque fois je vous voies ensemble! Ce que j’essaie fort de cacher c’est la jalousie qui m’irrite chaque fois que tu lui prends la main! Ce que je ne veux pas que tu sache c’est que mon âme est débordée. Ce que je pretends avec persistance c’est qu’il n’y a rien dans mon cœur…

 Mais c’est simplement hors de question que je fasse quoi que ce soit… j’agonise, je souffre, je me tords… tout en silence, tout en douceur… sans aucune mercie de ta part…  

~Kim 64~

Posted: July 20th, 2008 under Pain, Women, Love, French- Français, Ramblings and Thoughts.
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Eight at night; a very big-10-kg bag and a friend.

I just wanted to get home, tired and in a hurry to be in my own home.

So my friend and I were walking in the streets of Beirut to catch a service, this service driver see us and stops so we got into the car with him. Since I was carrying my big-10-kg bag, and out of politeness, I sat next to the driver so I wont take much space in case he finds another customer. Shortly after, the driver asks us:

- Where are u going after dawra?

 - Jounieh

So he offered to take us there if we pay an additional service, we agreed thinking it was out of good will. I always get confused feeling towards service drivers when they are polite, or good, it’s either they want something from you, which is very disgusting, or it’s a Miracle.

He drove and then a guy wanted to go to Sabtiye so the driver agreed knowing that it is not really on his way to Jounieh or Dawra but we didn’t say anything, we thought he just want to make a living. And then the guy started to try opening a conversation with me, I replied at first a very short and serious answer. Then, he started joking around trying to look funny, that’s when he got a frown, and another and another, and he ended up asking me where are we going, camping, since I am carrying a big bag. Again I didn’t answer, but did he even get the sign? No. I think that most of the time, such people’s ego doesn’t allow them to get that fuck-off-and-just-drope-home sign. He kept trying to talk to me but my friend and I were both ignoring him, as well as the old man who was in the backseat, and then when we got to Sabtiye, my friend asked me to come sit next to her and it was what I was thinking of. When I stepped out of the front seat, the old man looked at me and said “ l na2le fiya faraj” which means that even the old guy understood how uncomfortable I was by the constant attempts the driver to hit on

me.

Meanwhile and in all the naivety in the world, I felt a bit of guilt thinking that maybe the guy was just bored and wanted to start a conversation, or maybe he was just trying to be friendly, but that wasn’t really the case and as soon as we got to Dawra the guy stopped the car and he was like:

- I’d like to apologize from you girls I can’t drive you to Jounieh anymore.

Can It Get More Obvious?! Can u believe the asshole?

It’s the first something like this happens to me. Usually men give it a try but still know their limits and drive you

to where promised. But not this asshole.We paid him and got out of the car with all the shock in the world.

My friend said that it’s not the firs

t time it happens, and it have happened to her before. And we thought that I could have just pretended the Lebanese way nothing was happening and stayed in the front seat. But not with this feminist not in this world!

Later on that night, I had to take another service because my house is far from where the bus drops me,

and for my surprise

the only car available was driven by a woman. You cannot imagine how extremely safe I felt, and  comfortable. And you cannot imagine, in ten minutes, how many cars pressed there horns and tried to pass just because it’s a service driven by woman. I think after all the bullshit with the hairy taxi driver this woman made my night.

Posted: July 19th, 2008 under Politics, Ramblings and Thoughts.
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